Family Vacation

This last weekend we took the kids on a family vacation that included a family reunion at a family member's house at Lake Shasta. To be honest with you when I heard about the reunion plan a few months ago I did not want to go. The reason being that it made me super nervous to have E-man so close to water for an extended period of time at an unknown location. Actually it was more like panic-inducing anxiety instead of just nervousness.  As discussed in earlier posts, E-man can be an escape artist and we are vigilant about keeping tabs on him at all times. He also loves playing in water so escaping to go play in water would be a huge draw for him, coupled with his inability to swim this would be a disaster. 

So when we heard about the reunion at first I pleaded with Martin to let me just stay home with the kids, working the angle that he could have a kid free vacation with his family. He wasn't buying it. Then I thought, well maybe I could bring one of my teenage nieces with us to help watch the kids. I was talking to my sister in law about it and while she understood my anxiety she assured me that there would probably be enough people there to help, but if I wanted to bring a niece she would understand. 

It was starting to dawn on me that I was probably over reacting. 

In another discussion with a straight shooting friend of mine that will never sugar coat anything, I brought up the vacation and my concerns. Basically she told me not to be a shut in and that I still had to live my life and provide the boys with new experiences. 

That conversation was a big eye opener, I realized I was making it about me and my anxiety about the boys when I should be trouble shooting ways to make it work. 

That changed my mindset a bit and Martin and I found out the layout of the house, brought some things of our own to E-man proof the house as much as we could. This included bringing a baby gate for the patio, safety door knob covers for our room and a baby monitor. 

We planned as much as we could ahead of time. 

It turned out to be a great trip. We got there and set up the safety devices and with A LOT of help from our family were able to keep an eye on E-man and Little Buddy. 

We took them out on a speed boat, a patio boat and out swimming on the lake. E-man even got to ride on a quad for the first time. They both did really well in the water and by the end of the weekend E-man was able to float in the water in his life jacket by himself, twirling in the water and attempting to swim towards us. 

There were moments of stress but I think that's pretty typical vacationing with two little kids. It was also nice meeting and talking with family members on Martin's side of the family.

What I've been realizing with E-man is that what I expect and what actually occur have not been exactly the same. I haven't been expecting things to go as well as they have, thinking I'm just being realistic. Really I'm being pessimistic and short changing the boys in the mean time. I think between potty training, better food habits and this vacation I'm starting to learn that I need to give both the boys more credit in their ability but also in the ability of me and my husband to handle difficult situations. 

My goal now is to try to be more mindful of how my thoughts and anxieties might help or limit the boys in their experiences, because really my job is to teach them about life. How can I do that if I don't allow them to experience new situations? 

It's funny how teaching them means teaching myself first, realizing that I'm learning as many things from them as they are from me. It's actually pretty amazing.

Food Ninja

Lately I've had to become a food ninja in order to get a well balanced diet into both boys. E-man of course prefers cheese and carbs (a boy after my own heart) and Little Buddy would be content to eat chips and fruit all day if allowed. 
Just this week E-man did a project at school where they taped pictures of their favorite foods on a big poster paper. The foods on his? Cheese, wedding cake (he hasn't been to a wedding but he does love cake), chocolate bars, cookies and a banana. One measly piece of fruit in the buffet of junk. I found it both amusing and disappointing. Kids with autism are usually picky eaters. It has a lot to do with sensory issues that they deal with, the texture, smell and look of food that they experience can be much different that what all us neurotypicals experience.
We were slacking for awhile on improving their diets and it felt like we were cycling through the same 3-4 meals. 
One day we went out to eat and found out the boys will eat chicken strips. I know, what kid doesn't like a chicken strip? Well E-man didn't for a long time and preferred chicken of the nugget variety. So this was pretty exciting.
Another time I bought one of those pre-cooked chickens at Costco and both the boys ate the legs, even better! At least it was healthier than fried chicken bits. So I started baking drumsticks and most of the time they actually eat them. When E-man was around 1 year old he liked sausages and we were sad when he started to refuse those too. Recently we gave them another go, italian turkey sausages were a hit! Ground turkey we had to work a little harder on, we basically bribed him with tortilla chips. 
As you can see veggies are not included so far in the list of new stuff they are eating. Usually when any kind of green food is on their plate, it gets thrown (Little buddy) or ignored (E-man). I learned a way to trick them into eating green veggies from a very smart teacher at their school. Basically you cut tiny bits of broccoli and put it in pasta, that way they get used to seeing green in their food. Then slowly make the broccoli pieces bigger. It's very simple, I wish I had known of it sooner! It totally worked too, E-man at first was skeptical but was hungry enough to try it (another tactic of the food ninja, starve them for a few hours so that they are just grateful to be eating). Little buddy didn't even hesitate and had two servings. Success! 
I was actually a picky eater but my Mom just kept serving me what everybody else was eating. I hated zucchini, tomatoes and one particular dish she called ghoulash (which has no resemblance to actual ghoulash). After awhile I got curious about the foods I had previously shunned. Now I like most things and would never be called a picky eater.
I'm hoping by using tactics that I learn from all different areas of my life I can get the boys to eat a healthy diet. If any of you have sneaky tricks for your picky eaters, I'd love to hear them.
Bon appetit!

A tribute to Dads

In honor of Father's Day this Sunday, I want to talk about Dads. Specifically, the men in my life who also happen to be fathers.  I am my father's third daughter. By the time he and my Mom got through my sisters being teenagers they had mellowed out quite a bit. In high school I remember him taking me to get coffee super early before school, listening to KGO and driving around.  I remember crying my eyes out when we danced to "In my life" by the Beatles (his favorite Beatles song) at my wedding, where for the first time ever I saw him cry too.  I remember after E-man was admitted to the NICU early the following morning after being born my Dad called to console and give me advice.  I remember him BBQing and bringing too much food for E-man's first birthday party. I also remember when we were first dealing with the fact that Little Buddy might have autism too my Dad saying  "Violet, life won't be bad, it will just be different", words I often go back to when starting to feel down.  Most of all I remember the lessons he has taught me and continues to teach me. Work hard, be generous, help out when you can, be honest, think before acting and family is always first. You can call my Dad anytime you need help, he will be there and probably bring food just in case.  I think I am very fortunate to have a great Dad and I am very grateful for the person he is, which I should probably tell him more often.  I think having a strong father figure helped me pick out a strong husband as well. The other Dad in my life is obviously the father of my children.  My hubby and I started dating when I was only 16! We had a lot of time together before having kids, so I thought I knew him pretty well. Which I did to an extent. Having kids changes the way you see your spouse. After finally being able to bring E-man home after his stint in the NICU I was literally afraid to sleep. I was worried he would stop breathing and would stay up just watching him. Instead of treating me like a crazy person, Martin was understanding and talked me off the ledge on that one. I tend to be a higher strung person, a worry wart. Martin is the opposite, he is relaxed and can bring me down to a normal level with all his logic. Watching him become a father has been incredible. From the very beginning he has been hands on, changing diapers, getting up in the middle of the night, going to doctor appointments, all the nitty gritty bits of raising a child.  Going through what we have so far with the autism stuff has also shown me that he won't back down from a challenge. He'll kick ass and take names for his kids. And on the other side of that he is patient, loving and compassionate when dealing with them and their unique way of moving through the world. Literally every day the kids make him smile and he'll say "I just love them so much".  It makes me feel so lucky to have found him and be able to spend my life with my best friend.  I don't think good dads are talked about often enough or thanked as often as necessary. Besides my Dad and hubby, I know many men that are awesome fathers. What I'd like to say to all the Dad's doing their best and supporting their families is that the rest of us appreciate what you do and love you for it.  Have a happy Father's Day!

Adventures in potty training

First I want to thank my mother for teaching me how to successfully poop and pee in a toilet. I don't think many people stop and thank their mothers for this skill, that is until they have to actually teach another human being how to do it. Not just another human being, but a small one, one that was happy to poop while watching cartoons and have you wipe their ass. 
If you too are embarking on the potty training ride, I recommend a call to your Mom and thanking her first. At least you might have a little good karma to start with. Second, make sure to have a butt load of extra undies, pants, shorts and socks before starting. This is vital, so start working on that pile of laundry you've been neglecting. I myself did not do either of these things and can tell you I'm a dummy.
We are only on day 2 of potty training with E-man and out of underwear.  Here's the thing, I didn't plan this very well. E-man's school is also potty training him and I sent extra clothes to keep there and didn't leave enough for him at the house. I feel like I'm always catching up instead of getting ahead of the game lately. Potty training is just making it glaringly obvious. 
I texted my sister telling her about my potty woes and she just laughs. As a mother of four boys I'm sure she figures she has the right to laugh at a noob just figuring it out. Although she annoys me with her superior attitude she made me laugh hysterically (laughing so hard my hubby was giving me weird looks) with her personal potty training anecdotes. 
Sister:  "The one thing i hated was cutting them off of juice by a certain time of night . They always acted like they just got back from the Sahara."
And,
"Or the innocent face when u ask them, and they clearly smell like shit, 'did you wipe?'".
The thing about it is that even though it's tough it gives E-man and I a few minutes every half hour to connect.  You are literally forced to stop anything you are doing and sit with them and wait. So we read books and sing songs. Just before bed E-man was sitting on the toilet giggling and reached over to give me a kiss. In the midst of my frustration he broke through and reminded me what it's all about. His sweetness makes me grateful for the moment, my beautiful son and all of a sudden there is no where else I'd rather be than sitting on the bathroom floor, waiting for him to pee.

Kid Update

Since it is almost Mother's Day I thought I would discuss the accomplishments and gains that my offspring have made lately. 


E-man has been doing really well at school, his verbal imitation is slowly beginning to turn into spontaneous language. The words he says most often without prompting are "Mama" and "no". 
The other day during dinner he said
 "Mama?"
"What's up buddy?" I replied 
"Da."
"You're all done?"
"Ah da"
Addressing me and requesting something is HUGE for him. It was a really proud moment. Hearing his little voice brings me so much joy. I actually look forward to the day he's talking so much I just want him to stop! I give you permission to call me out on that one when I start complaining about it. 


He has finally grown out of his obsession with Backyardigans and now enjoys Yo Gabba Gabba, though not with as much zeal as he had for Backyardigans.  We have also been working on putting socks and shoes on by himself, brushing his teeth, and using a fork regularly. I catch myself doing things for him because I'm used to doing it all and I have to remind myself to let him learn how to do it too. The other day when we were brushing teeth I got all excited thinking he could try the sonicare tooth brush I use. Turning it on and hastily putting it to his lips I thought, this will be great! His teeth will never have cavities! As soon as it touched him he freaked and ran away. The rest of the morning he kept glancing at me and then would run for fear I'd try to use the medieval torture device on him again. 
What I should have done is just let him see the sonicare and touch it without turning it on. Gradually over several days letting him get used to it and eventually brush his teeth with it. 
So it's a learning process for everyone. 
Another big thing for E-man is preschool for the fall, we found one that works well with the program he is in. We went to go visit and everyone was really nice and didn't seem at all worried about the whole autism thing. 
I actually saw a kid I recognized from E-mans's school who looked like he was doing just fine. It made me feel
like this place would be the right fit. 


LB has been doing great with his therapy at the house. It took a little while for him to get used to me "dropping him off" in the front room with his teacher. Now he runs in and plays and interacts pretty well with them. His receptive language has been increasing. He understands outside, let's go, book, ba-ba, snack, and cookie. His eye contact and name recognition has improved quite a bit. He babbles a good amount and about half the time will try to repeat back parts of words. It's actually really interesting to see the differences in both boys. Where E-man has always had a slow but steady pace of skill acquisition, LB makes leaps and bounds then cools off for awhile. 

Both boys have had forward motion in their progress. There are still problem behaviors we are working on but I feel like the gains overshadow the downsides at this point. 
It's exciting to be scouting out preschools for E-man and watching LB blossom with the help of therapy. 
Sometimes it feels like I blink and 6 months have sped by, the kids growing and changing throughout. 
I think my best bet is to try to savor the small moments and cherish the memories.

ZZZZZZ

Before having children I had no idea what sleep deprivation was. I might have tried to convince you that I slept bad and really needed a nap, but I was just being dramatic.  Obviously having 2 kids and going through the whole newborn experience gave me a new perspective. We survived though and I'm glad I'm not waking up every 2 hours to nurse and change a diaper. What we are dealing with now is something called "night waking". It's a symptom of autism that many exhibit where the child has trouble going to sleep or staying asleep. The cause is not known, although there are some theories that there might be a disturbance in melatonin production. We have had mixture of both, E-man started waking up randomly a few months ago. It will be a couple weeks of waking up around 2 or 3 in the morning and being wired, usually taking another couple of hours to fall back to sleep. Then we will have a few weeks of fairly normal sleep with the occasional early bird wake up call. Now LB is starting to do the same thing, taking over an hour to fall asleep or waking in the middle of the night.  When the crazy sleep cycles coincide, I start to get a little crazy. For example, last night LB woke up from 1am-3am and then E-man was up bright and early at 5:45am.  Sometimes I wonder if I should go to bed when they do but I really enjoy the time I get to spend with Martin just hanging out.  It feels like a constant struggle with some new problem to figure out. There are days when I'm doing great and feel like I have a handle on it. Then there are days it feels like I'm just barely hanging on. What I'm realizing is that this is a marathon, not a race. I've got to keep my steady pace to keep it all going. So the plan for now it to keep moving, one foot in front of the other. I don't care how long it takes or how exhausted I am, I'm going to keep fighting.

Milestones

Today is my 30th birthday. The strange thing is that I'm excited to be turning 30, and there a a lot of reasons for the excitement.
A few months ago I was really down in the dumps about all the autism stuff with the boys and I had a conversation with Fiona, one of my BFF's who also happens to be my trainer. 
She gave me some great advice. Holding on to the pain and sadness was bad for me, poisoning my life. Her advice was to put it down and trust that God knew what he was doing with my life. As an example she explained its like in Lord of the Rings when Gollum keeps holding on to the ring and it ruins his life (I know this is a dorky example but since I'm a nerd it was quite effective). 
That advice really helped me to stop wallowing in the sad part of autism. I'm not saying that I don't allow myself to get upset, I just let it be a few moments instead of all day or all week. I started to feel so much better emotionally and mentally. 
However, I wasn't putting my 100% best into exercising and eating well. I'd put the work in for a few days only to sabotage it all in a weekend eating crap and being lazy. The lesson hadn't fully sunk in. Recently
I was talking to  Fiona, confessing that I wasn't working as hard as I should and she pointed out that even though mentally I felt better I hadn't really "put it down" because part of healing also means taking care of yourself. What a revelation!
I was not connecting the dots at all.
In order to make sure all aspects of my life are productive and happy I need to take care of myself first. 
The thoughts and feelings that were improving needed to turn into action in order to be fully effective.
Going into my 30's I feel hopeful.
I'm healthier than I've ever been in my life, I have goals for myself, my kids and my marriage. There is purpose to my path forward. 
I feel blessed that even when I stumble, I have a great support system and that I am proving to myself that I am strong and capable.
So bring it on 30's!!