Four Years Old

Wow time really does fly when you have kids! Today E-man is 4 years old, I was so excited this morning it felt almost like it was my birthday. We made him chocolate chip waffles for breakfast and later today he'll have a little birthday party at school with his friends.
Sometimes it is still weird to me that I am a Mom and in charge of this little guy's life. It feels like I have been a parent forever and at the same time it feels like I just started yesterday. In honor of E-man's birthday I want to write a list of what he has taught me so far about being a mom, a person and about life. I think this list will grow exponentially, but here are the highlights.

1. Strength
I think most people don't realize their strength or potential until they are tested or met with a challenge.
E-man is challenged everyday in the therapy he does at school, to help him reach his full potential. When I start to feel overwhelmed with kid stuff, autism stuff, or life stuff I think about him and the fact that he keeps going. He has learned so much and if he can persevere, so can I.

2. No Judgement
Before having kids I was sometimes judgmental about how parents handled situations with their kids. Now I know what it is like to be stared at when your kid is having a meltdown or acting kind of funny in public. Nowadays when I see or hear a kid in public having an issue instead of thinking "Why does that parent let the kid get away with acting like that?" I think "Wow I hope that parent is ok and they can get through it".
I understand now how hard it is so I want to be graceful to others when they are having a hard time.

3. Hope
When E-man was diagnosed with autism it felt like there was no hope, no future and things were bleak. I can say we are very much past that stage and feel so much hope for his and Little Buddy's happiness and abilities in the future. It takes hard work but all things are possible when you let hope take a place in your heart.

4. Acceptance
Sometimes things don't go the way you planned or had dreamt. What I have learned is that through the challenges you can get to a point of acceptance and that's really when the fun starts. Once you can get over the previous plan you had mapped out in your head, your mind starts a new path, a new road to discovering what is important, what is worthy and what will still fulfill you.

5. Appreciation
I think having kids has taught me to appreciate what you have within personal relationships instead of material things. Spending time with people is really a priority lately. I think that is because time has become a hot commodity. With work, school and regular house errands to do it can be hard to squeeze in quality time with people you love. I try to make as much time as I can in our schedule and even then it doesn't feel like enough. However, I appreciate every get together and time spent with great people.

6. Balance
Balancing being a wife, mother, sister and friend is a challenge all by itself. I do not proclaim to be good about it yet but it is something I have realized is a worthy goal to attain. I need time for all aspects of my life in order for the whole to be happy. This is still a work in progress.

7. Love
I love love love my kids and they love me back. It's such a deep, primal feeling of protectiveness and nurturing and I was surprised at the intensity of it all when they came into this world. That love is the driving force in my endeavors to build them up to be good, kind, strong, productive people. I now totally understand the term "Mama bear" because it feels that instinctual and natural.

8. Joy
I have learned to find joy in small things, when E-man requests to be picked up spontaneously instead of being prompted. When he actively engages with me in play time.  His laugh and spirit give me so much joy, it's immeasurable.

9. Family
Our families have been so supportive and helpful through all of this process. It would be difficult to manage without the conversations, tips, acceptance and love we receive from everyone in our circle. I feel blessed to have my family and to have married into a family that loves us and our children unconditionally.

10. Marriage
Marriage is so key to all of these things. I can truly say my hubby makes my life so great. To the basics of being able to stay at home with the kids because he works, to the laughter we share at 6 in the morning dancing around the kitchen making breakfast, he is vital in making this work. I've learned what we can endure as a couple, that we can cry for a bit then tell a joke to break the tension. Our marriage is strong and has a good foundation, kids test that foundation in a way that you can't predict.

I know there will be more to add to this list as time goes on, as new challenges and things come our way there are more lessons to be learned. Even if they are hard, I am glad to know that I will one day appreciate them as important tools in learning about life.

Happy Birthday E-man!!